I guess it dawns on everyone sooner or later.... that I am the only one in the world who cares abt me more than nething else... Im the only one who will be around whenever i want... there isnt a soul who cares abt me like i do... parents come close but thats abt it... everything else is an illusion...
The sooner we realise this, the sooner we can stop living in a dream...
n reality isnt so bad after all... atleast i know i have me... n that feels good... :)
Monday, March 3, 2008
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Sandy beaches.....
Have been fantasising abt being on a beach a lot lately...
how i love the sand....
sometimes i have this irrisistable craving to roll in the soft sand...
to hold it in my hand and feel it slip through my fingers..... ummmmmmm ......
the smell of the dust as it slips out of my hand.... can almost taste it....
the feel of the soft sand under my feet....
n water feels so much nicer after having played in the sand....
just thinkin abt it feels so good... makes the craving worse....
n here I am.... miles n miles away from a beach.... :(
you must think im crazy.... well... i never denied that.... :)
how i love the sand....
sometimes i have this irrisistable craving to roll in the soft sand...
to hold it in my hand and feel it slip through my fingers..... ummmmmmm ......
the smell of the dust as it slips out of my hand.... can almost taste it....
the feel of the soft sand under my feet....
n water feels so much nicer after having played in the sand....
just thinkin abt it feels so good... makes the craving worse....
n here I am.... miles n miles away from a beach.... :(
you must think im crazy.... well... i never denied that.... :)
$$$$$$$$$
Spent a fortune on shopping this weekend.... my cousin's getting married next month so me n mom needed quite a few dresses for the different occasions... plus a SALE was on.... so how could we not pick up more than we actually need? :)
so its back to zero for my bank balance.... but im not really bothered... it bothers me that im not bothered... logically i should be... but im just happy spending... ofcourse now i hav to wait for the next salary before i can spend again.... but what the hell... it was worth it.... I know what ur thinking.... poor guy who ends up with her... he he he... i think i agree.... :)
sometimes i wonder what would i do if he turns out to be a big kanjoos(miser)? cause i love spending... dont think i could survive with someone who doesnt understand that.... i think i get the trait from my dad.... either he will not go shopping or he will end up spending a fortune just like me... :) so i can blame my dna for this i guess.... :)
wonder how people manage to save up... all that money just lying in ur bank account... doesnt it tempt you to spend.... the only way i can save money is if i invest in something like mutual funds... that way i dont really 'have' the money so cant really spend it..... hmmmm... better start thinking about it nidhi... naaaaah... maybe another day.... :)
so its back to zero for my bank balance.... but im not really bothered... it bothers me that im not bothered... logically i should be... but im just happy spending... ofcourse now i hav to wait for the next salary before i can spend again.... but what the hell... it was worth it.... I know what ur thinking.... poor guy who ends up with her... he he he... i think i agree.... :)
sometimes i wonder what would i do if he turns out to be a big kanjoos(miser)? cause i love spending... dont think i could survive with someone who doesnt understand that.... i think i get the trait from my dad.... either he will not go shopping or he will end up spending a fortune just like me... :) so i can blame my dna for this i guess.... :)
wonder how people manage to save up... all that money just lying in ur bank account... doesnt it tempt you to spend.... the only way i can save money is if i invest in something like mutual funds... that way i dont really 'have' the money so cant really spend it..... hmmmm... better start thinking about it nidhi... naaaaah... maybe another day.... :)
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Beautiful...
bbye winters.... hello pleasant weather... :) feels gr8 to be alive.... to breathe the fresh spring air... to finally get rid of layers and layers of warm clothes... its liberating... and the flowers... wow - they're just breathtakingly beautiful... in the most excusite of colours...dark dark wine reds.. deep violets.. beautiful puples, pretty baby pinks, bright fuschias, lovely yellows, glowing oranges.... sigh... all just so beautiful
but everything has a downside right... and the downside to this gr8 weather is a total and complete reluctance to work... feel like lazing around outside in the sun all day... taking in the beauty of the sky.. the grass the trees... the flowers... and the occasional handsom hunk... though those are pretty rare around here :)
This weather takes me back to the carefree days of college - when we could sit for hours on end doin nothing - absolutely nothing :) what days.. sigh... when we could just bunk classes cause the weather was amazingly romantic.. :)
where art thou my love? how i wish u were here with me.... u n me and the sexy weather... and coffee.....sigh.... :)
but everything has a downside right... and the downside to this gr8 weather is a total and complete reluctance to work... feel like lazing around outside in the sun all day... taking in the beauty of the sky.. the grass the trees... the flowers... and the occasional handsom hunk... though those are pretty rare around here :)
This weather takes me back to the carefree days of college - when we could sit for hours on end doin nothing - absolutely nothing :) what days.. sigh... when we could just bunk classes cause the weather was amazingly romantic.. :)
where art thou my love? how i wish u were here with me.... u n me and the sexy weather... and coffee.....sigh.... :)
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Appraisal Time.....
Its that time of the year again.... when ur made to beleive that what you think of yourself and your work matters.... that the company cares about your growth and your aspirations.... :) ya right.... the whole process of self appraisals is a farce.... at the end - u will get the rating ur manager has decided for you.... or worse - you may get an even lower rating if the company is not making enough profit....
And still - all of us invest so much time in filling out these self appraisal forms.... maybe its because we like to fool ourselves into beleiving that what we think matters.... and then u cant give up without trying can u? There is one upside to this excercise though - it lets us appreciate ourselves... well if the manager doesnt someone shud... right?
So I filled out my self appraisal form yesterday... and in typical s/w engineer style, it was a copy paste and edit of last year's form :) It was fun chosing just the right words to say im really good without sounding too snobish....Well i've done my bit... lets see what the manager has to say.... but hes gonna make me wait a good 2 months before the final verdict is given out.... :P i hate waiting....specially when its about how much of an increment im gonna get... :)
Increment / hike are happy words arn't they... although with each hike all that increases is my income tax - the take home doesnt really move up all that much.... they should make me the finance minister - atleast the salaried folks would love me :) if im earning x amount, is it really fair that i should have to give up 30% of X to the government? in effect - if i work for 30 days - i only get paid for about 20..... now how is that fair? we need sumone radical in the finance ministry... so how abt me... :) Mr. PM u listening?? :)
And still - all of us invest so much time in filling out these self appraisal forms.... maybe its because we like to fool ourselves into beleiving that what we think matters.... and then u cant give up without trying can u? There is one upside to this excercise though - it lets us appreciate ourselves... well if the manager doesnt someone shud... right?
So I filled out my self appraisal form yesterday... and in typical s/w engineer style, it was a copy paste and edit of last year's form :) It was fun chosing just the right words to say im really good without sounding too snobish....Well i've done my bit... lets see what the manager has to say.... but hes gonna make me wait a good 2 months before the final verdict is given out.... :P i hate waiting....specially when its about how much of an increment im gonna get... :)
Increment / hike are happy words arn't they... although with each hike all that increases is my income tax - the take home doesnt really move up all that much.... they should make me the finance minister - atleast the salaried folks would love me :) if im earning x amount, is it really fair that i should have to give up 30% of X to the government? in effect - if i work for 30 days - i only get paid for about 20..... now how is that fair? we need sumone radical in the finance ministry... so how abt me... :) Mr. PM u listening?? :)
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Confusion...
People are just so confused.... i've never understood it - and that means a lot coming from me since i can be confused at times too... like i find it really hard to decide what to pick from a menu.. or which pullover i should buy.... but atleast im confused about the little things in life... not the more important things like which job i want to do and which guy i want to be with...
This friend of mine called me one morning - she was in a state of breakdown... she's caught in a complicated relationship (well complicated is kinda n understatement) the tension had gotten to her.. to the point that it looked to me like she was having a fit... n i was scared.. wanted to take her to a doctor but she wudnt listen.... it took an hour or more of talking to her... listening to her curse the guy (he deserves it) before she finally calmed down. she wanted to kill him - didnt want to see his face again.... It looked like she had pretty much made up her mind that she wanted him out of her life.... and then that same afternoon - there she was again - calling him up and telling me that she cudnt live without him.... girl decide.... what was i supposed to do? help her get rid of him? help her get him back? I decided to stay out of it.... n i think thats the wisest thing to do here...
But it got me thinking... about inertia - yes newtons first law applies to relationships as well... people dont get along but stick to each other because its familiar... n no one else is around to replace their partners. And like newton said... a body in rest or state of uniform motion will continue to remain in rest or state of uniform motion unless an external force acts on it... so if there's no "external force" or third person, people tend to hang on to relationships... but really how good is that? if i was in my friends position, i would have gotten rid of the guy long ago... but the decision is hers to make not mine...
my problem is that other people's problems effect me - i dont want them to but they do.... infact i think i handle my own problems much better... cause i can do something about my own problems... with other people all i can do is worry.... Any solutions?
This friend of mine called me one morning - she was in a state of breakdown... she's caught in a complicated relationship (well complicated is kinda n understatement) the tension had gotten to her.. to the point that it looked to me like she was having a fit... n i was scared.. wanted to take her to a doctor but she wudnt listen.... it took an hour or more of talking to her... listening to her curse the guy (he deserves it) before she finally calmed down. she wanted to kill him - didnt want to see his face again.... It looked like she had pretty much made up her mind that she wanted him out of her life.... and then that same afternoon - there she was again - calling him up and telling me that she cudnt live without him.... girl decide.... what was i supposed to do? help her get rid of him? help her get him back? I decided to stay out of it.... n i think thats the wisest thing to do here...
But it got me thinking... about inertia - yes newtons first law applies to relationships as well... people dont get along but stick to each other because its familiar... n no one else is around to replace their partners. And like newton said... a body in rest or state of uniform motion will continue to remain in rest or state of uniform motion unless an external force acts on it... so if there's no "external force" or third person, people tend to hang on to relationships... but really how good is that? if i was in my friends position, i would have gotten rid of the guy long ago... but the decision is hers to make not mine...
my problem is that other people's problems effect me - i dont want them to but they do.... infact i think i handle my own problems much better... cause i can do something about my own problems... with other people all i can do is worry.... Any solutions?
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